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"DEAR LORD, PLEASE HELP ME BE THE KIND OF PERSON MY DOG THINKS I AM."


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A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM MONKEYWRITER:
You are about to enter the mind of a young almost 30 something year old woman/girl/lady who has thoughts and this journal is seen from her "Point of View." You may not agree with them but I ask you still consider who I am and what I am talking about. Each journal (with few exceptions) starts out "Dear Friend" and the reason is simply I dont have a name yet for this journal. However "dear friend" is more personal then my first entries of "dear journal" and that way I'm talking both to the journal of which I write in and those who decide to read it (hence the "friend" is a reference to the journal and the friend). I have never thought of it as a real journal. Its more of a "Here I am, Heres updates, Here is what I am feeling,etc." Yes I DO keep a REAL journal live not from here but written in by hand. I named that journal after years and years of writing in different ones. I named it "Roxy" and I am in my second "Roxy" journal. Although she got her name half way through the first journal. I am almost done with "Roxy"#2 and I have a third "Roxy" but we are getting to know each other again. I havent written in her for months and sometimes years and now I am finally finding joy again in really writing (my only complaint being my hands always hurt after a page which is usually (but not always) stop!). I except all friends (but I do not promise to add you back but more then likely I will!). This area is huge and takes a while to read but few things change once read the first time except updates that follow this newly added section! I have updates, why I use this name, a note on dating, something about me, some funky facts, 2 quotes I love and the who's who in my journal (subject to change!). Thank you for reading whoever you are. Read on and enjoy reading something from MY point of view!

Holly Johnson

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The Part of You That No One Sees

You are passionate, romantic, and emotional. You put love first in your life, even though you have often been disappointed by it. You expect to be swept of your feet, and you never expect infatuation to die out. Underneath it all, you are scared that you aren't lovable. Your insecurity has ruined many relationships, as you are unable to see the love that's really there. You are secretly afraid of being alone. Confronting your insecurities is incredibly painful.

You Are 60% Shy

Although you live a pretty normal life, you tend to be a fairly shy person. Many situations make you feel uncomfortable, and you sometimes find your shyness hindering your life.

"It's a wonder these people find their way out of their homes every morning."--Richard RoeperSchlock Value <---please applie that quote to all lego guests thanx! (see entry April 3rd 2005 for further details!)

CURRENTS:
UPDATED September 5th 2009(SATURDAY)

Job Status: Barely working for Borders Books!</b> PRAYERS MUCH THANX!!!!!
Book: Size 12 is Not Fat, Angry Conversations with God
Book I Love: Dead Until Dark
Book(s) I'm Reading Currently: bible
TV Shows I Love To Watch: Heroes, Ugly Betty, Office, Super Nanny, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Vampire Diaries, Wipeout.
Radio Station I Listen To The Most: The River 107.5
Newest Favorite Bible Verse:
Movie I love: Twilight
(ALWAYS WILL LOVE: The Passion of Christ)
Movie I hate: The Grudge
AND cause of sex scenes "The Notebook"
Hours of Sleep: 7hrs
Mood: busy, tired, stressed, frustated
CD I Just Love: TobyMac
Most Hot Movie Star: John Cusack (and Keanu Reeves is SECOND!)
Movie I Want To See On DVD/VHS: Slum Dog Millionair (in the car)
Movie I Want To Own on DVD: Quantum Leap Season 1-5
Movie I Want To See In The Theaters: Transformers 2
Movie I Just Recently Purchased on DVD: ?? been a while hasnt??

WHY MY NAME IS MONKEY WRITER:
I love monkeys they are great animals my top favorite! I love to collect plush monkeys I LOVE monkeys! I also am a writer, I love to write. Therefore the name fits Monkey and writer = MONKEYWRITER. Its my favorite name I use it a lot as my name or something close to it (girlmonkey for example)! Thats why I'm called Monkey Writer! :))

MY FAVORITE QUOTE BECAUSE LIFE SHOULD HAVE NO LIMITS LIVE IT FULLY!:

"Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth."

source unknown

The Following Journal Is About Me! Its not about you, or them, or the world. Its about my life. I am pretty free spirited and I have things I believe in that my parents dont agree with.

First off I'm a Christian. But that doesnt mean I dont want friends or dont accept people who arent so. I love all people and I am open to anyone despite what you believe, if you swear and so on and so fourth...

A bit about me just some funky facts:
With a wonderful degree in communcations from Vanguard University in 2004 you'd think I had a nice job by now!! No I.DO.NOT. Instead I am still stuck in retail, but have recently discovered that complaining doesnt do anything and God cant guide me if I am not moving. So instead I need to stop being lazy and just move and groove or I wont get anywhere fast! I got a certificate from CSB School of Broadcasting last year. And now I am working on getting my internship that will lead to my dream job. Check out my myspace below or here http://www.myspace.com/entertainmentbroadcaster I update weekly with a video & blog!!

So me and my sister moved to TN in Nov 2007. Away from our home in Oceanside we shared with our parents for a year. We moved there in November 2006 after (sadly) my grandma died in May 2006 :*(( Yeah I still miss her! We wanted to be out on our own so we traveled to lovely Tennessee. Its nice out here but so different and its not a forever spot. Call it our first stop of many on the road to our final home. I sound like my favorite show Quantum Leap "hoping the next leap will be the leap home" Well I am hoping the next move will be where I will call home. Currently its NOT!

We came with my pet hamster Tinkerbell (got in April 2007 died in August 2008, my cat Princess, Mels cat Maggie and my little dog Rainbow. Then we got here. We lost Tink in August the following year, and a month later as we planned to get two gerbils two kittens were dropped on us. It was just for a few days...yeah right. Then it turned into well a full year, we gave up and love them. And yes we are supposed to have 2 pets we currently have 5. Princess is doing so well and so we may be down to 4 pretty soon :*(( Much prayers. For now we love them still Rocky & Jackie. Plus ours still Princess, Maggie & Rainbow.

This is who I am. I dont pretend to be anyone else. I am trusting, I am loving but I am cautious because life and people have hurt me way too much. I am growing up. 30 in December and found my first 5 gray hairs few weeks ago. Yes I am older, wiser but not married. I still want to be married, have at least 2 kids of my own, and live in New York. Waiting on God, and finding my career and hoping a nice guy will take me for the ride as my finances are too harsh to ever get there on my own. I dream BIG do you?? :))

God bless all who read!!

"PRAYER changes things; worry changes nothing."

"WHEN you're feeling overwhelmed, remember to take things one at a time--one day at a time."

Odds and ends:
I bite my fingernails, I have A.D.D. (the quiet version), I am a strange person and love to quote "normal is just the setting on the dryer" cause I dont act normal, I act like a kid I still love cartoons and I collect kid things, I've never dated anyone at all period! (so YES this means I've never been kissed! I'm like Josie in "Never Been Kissed" I'm almost 27 and never been kissed!), I love to collect movie ads from the SHOW section and ballet pictures for my folder (VERY full!), I collect the cover off every magazine I dont keep and tear apart and keep those in a folder cause its cool!, I love movie posters but only own one and would love a room full of just my favorite movie posters, I have two great friends one is my best friend and both till next year 2005 live in different countrys for now not the USA (one in China Deborah the best & one in Australia Sammy shes great!), I do swear sometimes but only when I am really pissed off, if a movie has swearing any word is not as bad as using Gods name with D*** even the *F* word!, I hurt my knee in 1998, operation 1999 and its forever not a good knee for me (its the left one) and has left me changed forever.


A NOTE ABOUT NOT DATING:
I want to date but at the same time I didnt. Years ago when I saw my now ex-high school friends going through guy problems from breaking up I realized I'm too loyal to date someone and have them break my heart. So I asked God about 3 years ago or 4 years? 4 years ago that NO guy ask me out unless he is the "one" I will marry. So more then likely I will kiss only one guy the one I will marry. Sounds sweet hey? I get lonely at times and wish for someone but I remember this request. I believe God is honoring that since a few guys I thought cute could be more at school friends went out of my life quickly as they came. I have had three people/guys ask me out (twice in high school and one outside of high school) so I have also had guys like me/crush on me. They just never asked me out (I WOULD HAVE SAID YES AT THE TIME!). I may have liked/loved/crushed on one guy in high school but gave up on him being the one after our reunion last year. Now I'm trusting God to bring my mr right along. God knows my schedule I dont need to be anywhere special and God can bring "him" along. So I pray for "him" daily and watch and know when we are BOTH ready for us to meet "he" will come into my life and we will be together for all eternity. Amen to that!

"YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!!!"--quote off the box for the movie "The Rookie"

WHO IS WHO IN MY JOURNAL (FOR FUTURE REFERENCE SUBJECT TO CHANGE):
*Melody*--My younger sister who is actually the middle child. One of my bestest best friends!
*Misty*--My youngest sister, is handicapped, the baby in the family
*Mom*--Joy
*Dad*--Bob
*Grandma*--She died on May 10th 2006 at about 6:15pm. At 93 yrs old not bad. But we lived with her forever, and I still miss her SO SO much. We moved cause of her being gone the loss was too great!! :(((
*Deborah*--My best friend forever who is now in China till February 2005 teaching english and scared and I miss her all the more and yet she is still close to me at heart and by internet email.
*Teresa*--My other true friend from Vanguard :) Not close like Deborah but still a friend.
*Sammy*--I met her in 2001 when we got together after finding out we were both going to New York for a mission trip in May 2002 and both communications majors. She lives in Australia now going to grad school for teaching. She will marry soon and be home sooner but then move out of the country to teach english some other country. I miss her and she was my next best friend after Deborah!
*Jenny*--My cousin from my moms side of the family. born 1976
*Amy*--Jennys younger sister born in 1980
*Christy*--Oldest sister to Jenny and Amy.
*Michelle*--My cousin dads side of the family born in 1980
*Ondrea* *John* *Miz* *Tricia* *Amanda aka Kay*--All different people I have never met but we are email pals!
*Matthew*--I met him at Barnes & Noble in 2000 till 2003. We became email pals in 2004 but he back in PA. Then he moved back to California late last year. We had a "friend date" that he planend and recked our friendship. I talk about him from time to time cause well he doesnt get crap and can sometimes be a real jerk! Does anyone get guys? We still write but not like before!... read on to find out more...

The Pets:
*Cocoa*--my dog since I was 8yrs old lived to be 13 1/2 years and died on Dec. 5th 2001 sadly still missed
*Princess Angel*--My cat birthday 6.28.92
*Patches Cuddles*--My sisters cat, my cats sister, at 12 years died September 8th 2004 at about 1pm PST on her own before we could put her to sleep
*Rainbow Quaker*--my little maltese puppy, born on 6.23.02
*Maggie Irish*--newest kitten in our lives we believe born on July 17th 2004 but still unsure of the date. She is rare cause shes an orange tabby and she is FEMALE which is 1 in 100 or more. Shes sweet, cute, clings a bit too much and loves life. Melz hears orange tabbies cant live to be in their 20's good luck Melody!


Other People I *MIGHT* mention:
*friends from high school but now drifted apart from me*=Crystal,Heather, Sarah, Kim, Michelle, Melody E., Melody H., Rachel, Rebecca, exct.
*Tim*--my first true *love* a guy I loved/crushed on for three years. I begged God to date him, never came to be. I still think about him every now and then so you might see that!
*Kristen*--Ex-email pal might mention. We met on a christianteens group @ yahoogroups.com (then it was egroups). Then we had some problems because she told lies to Ben (see below) and then she and me got in a fight. I wanted to remain friends. She didnt and left me.
*Beth*-Ex-email pal might mention. Lied to me and left me. Came back and lied again. Left again. Tried to come back months later, but I ignored her (with good reason)
*Ben*--Ex-email pal and good friend I might mention. We knew each other about a year until he and Krissy (Kristen) teamed up against me. So I left him (a first because most friends leave ME).

I will think of more...

SYMBOLS YOU WILL SEE ME USE:
:) = happy
:D = big smile
:p = sticking out tongue
:( = sad
:*( = sad with tear in eye
;) = wink wink or in other words a joke, a flirty suggestion or so fourth! Get it?
:/= more like an upset mark or a not sad remark but if you could you know make a face thats not sad but not upset either. (Understand? *L*)
:)) = extra happy smile
:(( = opposite its an extra sad frown

*L*=Laugh Out Loud (LOL)
*ROFL*=Rolling On Floor Laughing
*G*=Grins
*S*=Smiles
*F*=Frowns

Friends (70):

Friend of (34):